The Guidebook. Your Guidebook.

Being in LOVE is so amazing . . . until it isn't. 

If you have been in an intimate relationship then you have been on this rollercoaster ride.  Ups, where things are really super sweet and amazing . . . everything you could ever want all wrapped into one beautiful human being. 

And downs, where if she/he would only [ fill in the blank ].  You just know that they are being difficult and maybe (you think) even trying to not cooperate (a.k.a. they are doing exactly what you think they should or shouldn't be doing).  

We as humans.

In relationship.

Have this unconscious issue. 

We all carry around [ in our heads ]  The G.  What is The G?  Well, we all have one, and becoming aware of it is paramount to a healthy relationship with yourself and your sweetheart. 

I'm talking about the GUIDEBOOK.  This Guidebook was created by our magnificent brain and contains all the ways that things in life should happen.  

Notice I did say SHOULD which is a word to omit from your language altogether.  Whenever you use should notice that you are operating from your Guidebook. 

This Guidebook contains many things, and for this conversation let's focus on how it contains your expectation of how others should behave, act and speak. 

Specifically, in an intimate relationship, this might look like how you believe your sweetheart (past, current or potential sweetheart) should be showing up and interacting with you in your life.  

Please notice that this Guidebook exists in your beautiful brain and will occupy your thoughts to have you believe that it is fact.   They actually should be following The G.

Our brains do all kinds of magnificent and tricky things to make us feel like we have life under control.  

I have to tell you about my own experience with The G.  It involves really cool and trendy bikes and my Was-band.  I just don't like the term Ex - and Was-band refers to a husband that was.  You get it - it just feels more respectful.  

The BIKE DREAM.  

I had this dream.  Well, now I know it was just The G. - however, I used to just think it was how things should be.  

I had always envisioned and wanted to be active with my sweetheart.  He didn't want to hike with me, run with me or dance with me.  So, I thought (with my brilliant brain) I will get us bikes and we will be active together on bikes.  

I invested heavily in good quality and cool-looking bikes.  He seemed excited and we rode them together once.  

And then they totally sizzled out.  He had one excuse after another why he didn't want to ride.  So the expensive bikes collected dust in the garage.  

I got my feelings hurt and felt resentful because of how "inconsiderate" he was in regard to how thoughtful I was in purchasing the bikes.  

Fast forward 5 years or so.  Brilliant idea!  We now live out in the country with miles of beautiful roads to explore.  You guessed it!  I started thinking about riding bikes with my sweetheart again.  Now! (I think with my wonderful brain) he will be ready to ride bikes with me.  

So, I find the most trendy, high-quality, and functional bikes we can afford and actually customize them down to the spoke pattern on the tires.  Yup! I really thought this out . . . every detail (with my amazing mind and The G.).  

Guess what happened?  

You guessed it.  We rode the bikes once together and then they became dust collectors.  

This time though I convinced myself I had good reason to be resentful about how inconsiderate, unthoughtful, ungrateful, lazy, and unloving this man really must be.  

You see, in The G . . . HE was supposed to love to ride bikes with me.  He would love it and we would laugh and explore and make memories together.  He was supposed to adore spending time doing things that I wanted . . . because it should be what he wanted too.  Right???

We do this in so many areas of relationships and daily life.  Like . . . how and what we watch on TV . . .  friends that we should both like and hang out with . . . where they should put their clothes . . . how the wet towel should be hung rather than flung . . . how the car should be parked in the driveway . . . how they should act around your family . . . what they should say to you . . . how they should speak to the kiddos . . . how they should hug and kiss us before leaving each day . . . and how they should love dogs too!   

You see the trappings and fallacy of The G. 

Your Guidebook is something created from your past experiences, fantasies, desires, and examples of others (including TV and social media).  It is stored in your brain and runs as if it is TRUE. 

It isn't.   

Your sweetheart has a Guidebook that is maybe close to yours, however, I guarantee that it is different.  These differences can ruin a beautiful relationship and make you resentful, angry, unhappy, restless, and negative.  

When you feel these feelings you will take things personally, pull away, shut your heart, and live life with your feelings hurt. 

I challenge you to become aware of The G.  It contains your rules and instructions . . . how you expect others to be.  

Your Guidebook will cause you confusion, frustration, & pain.  

Until you learn how to work with it & change what isn't helpful.   

We would love to have you join us at RēL Coaching where we do this work every beautiful day of our lives. 

It is FREEDOM.   

Please remember - what anyone else thinks about you and your behavior is none of their business. What you think of yourself is!    Please be gentle with yourself as the web of confusion is lifted and you become even clearer on how to be your best self. 

It will require you to know and practice the things I teach. 

We've got this!

I've got you. 

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