Observer On! The Key to Seeing Conflict Clearly

If you’ve ever been in the middle of a disagreement and thought, “I can’t even think straight right now,” you’ve experienced the very thing the Observer is designed to solve. The Observer is your internal clarity lens. When it’s on, you see the conflict for what it is — without getting hijacked by the heat of the moment.

What Is the Observer?

The Observer is the part of you that watches without judgment. It notices your thoughts, your tone, your body language — and it notices the other person’s, too. It’s not passive. It’s present. And when it’s active, you respond to conflict with more clarity, curiosity, and control.

Why “Observer On” Changes Everything

In conflict, emotions often run the show. Without the Observer, you might: react too quickly, say things you don’t mean, or miss important cues. With the Observer on, you notice the difference between what’s happening and what you’re making it mean, slow down enough to choose your next move deliberately, and see opportunities for connection instead of just points of attack.

My Rule: Name It to Activate It

I literally say to myself, “Observer on.” Sometimes out loud, sometimes just in my head. It’s my mental switch. It tells my brain: Pause. Notice. Choose. You have more control than you think. From there, I can ask myself: What am I feeling right now? What’s the story I’m telling myself? Is that story helping or hurting the conversation?

The Self-Coaching Moment

Next time you feel tension rise, try this: Take one slow breath. Silently say, “Observer on.” Look for one detail you hadn’t noticed before — their expression, your own posture, the exact words being used. That tiny shift in attention can unlock an entirely different way forward.

Your Turn

When in the last week could you have used your Observer? How might the outcome have shifted if you had paused and seen the moment clearly before responding?

📄 Want a simple way to remember the key steps? Download the 1-page Observer On! Cheatsheet here

💌 Want more tools like the Observer to navigate conflict with clarity? Subscribe to Uncensored: The Self Coach Journal — my weekly newsletter on self-coaching, conscious communication, and turning conflict into connection.

🔗 If this sparked something for you, share it with someone who could use a clearer lens in their next tough conversation.

🌐 Learn more about my work at www.MarianneMacKenzie.com

P.S. Turning on your Observer doesn’t just change the conversation — it changes you.