What is Conflict: Redefining the Most Misunderstood Part of Being Human

Redefining the Most Misunderstood Part of Being Human

Most people treat conflict like it’s a four-letter word. It’s the thing to avoid, tiptoe around, or smooth over before anyone notices. But here’s the truth: conflict is not the enemy. In fact, conflict is one of the most natural, unavoidable parts of being human — and one of the most powerful tools we have for building deeper relationships.

The Real Definition of Conflict

Conflict is not yelling. It’s not fighting. It’s not “bad energy” in a room. At its core, conflict is simply the presence of difference: different perspectives, different needs, different values, and different ways of solving the same problem. That’s it. Conflict is just the moment when my truth and your truth bump into each other.

Why We Get Conflict Wrong

Most people confuse conflict with combat. They’ve seen conflict handled poorly — through aggression, avoidance, or manipulation — and they assume that’s all it can be. So they swallow their concerns to “keep the peace,” overreact when differences surface, or avoid hard conversations until resentment sets in. The result? We miss the chance to learn from our differences — and instead, we either weaponize them or bury them alive.

The Cost of Avoiding Conflict

Avoiding conflict might feel easier in the moment, but it’s expensive in the long run. When we sidestep it, we lose clarity — assumptions pile up where conversation could have been, connection — distance grows between people who could have worked it out, and trust — because unspoken tension always leaks out.

My Rule: Respect the Bump

When two truths collide, don’t slam on the brakes or swerve into denial. Slow down. Look at what’s really there. Ask: What matters most to me in this situation? What matters most to them? Where is the overlap? This is where conflict stops being a threat and starts being a bridge.

The Self-Coaching Moment

When you feel conflict rising, name it to yourself first: “I’m noticing a difference here.” That simple acknowledgment shifts your brain from threat mode to curiosity mode. From there, you can choose to respond with openness instead of defensiveness.

Your Turn

Think about a recent moment of tension. What difference was at the heart of it? What might have happened if you had seen that difference as information instead of danger?

📄 Want a simple way to remember the key steps? Download the 1-page What is Conflict Cheatsheet 

💌 Want more ways to see and solve conflict differently? Subscribe to Uncensored: The Self Coach Journal — my weekly newsletter on self-coaching, conscious communication, and turning conflict into connection.

🔗 If this reframed conflict for you, share it with someone who could use a new lens.

🌐 Learn more about my work at www.MarianneMacKenzie.com

P.S. The goal isn’t to erase differences. It’s to learn how to meet there without losing yourself — or each other.